Episode 3 – Mark Queppet of Sacred Sexuality Project and the NoFap Academy
Podcast is currently editing.
Mark has some incredible insight in dealing with pornography addictions. This is one episode you will not want to miss.
“Come, let’s talk this over! Says the Lord; no matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool!”
If there was ever a verse that gave hope this is definitely one of my favorites! Those of us that struggle with porn know what carnage lies in our past. It is often the shame and embarrassment of the past that keeps so many from seeking help.
They feel there is too much bad in the past, their addiction is worse than anyone else’s, or “you just don’t know what I have done.”
So we stay trapped, ensnarled in a loosing battle based on how we think God or people might respond to us. Coming clean, asking for forgiveness and seeking help seems overwhelming based on our perceived reactions of others. I also think that while many Christians deep down know that nothing is too big or too bad for God to forgive and make new, they view his ability to do so, during their immediate struggle, through a human perspective and let doubt sneak in.
And it is true, some people may think you are a sicko, dirty or disgusting. Some people that view you this way might even be in the church. However, there are many people that will show you unconditional love and support. They will meet you right where you are to support and encourage you as you share your addictions and work to break free of the chains that have held you back for so long.
If you are struggling with porn addiction, and you want to overcome the addiction, I want you to close your eyes and imagine a life with no shame, no embarrassment, no worrying about if you cleared your browser history, and no fear about going on a date with the girl of your dreams and nervously wondering how she will react to your porn stash.
Instead your life is filled with joy and contentment. You are proud of who you are. You are confident and assured in your actions. You have no worries or fears about what you did in the past popping up unexpectedly determining your future. You are free, free to set a new course and build the life you have always wanted.
So, for and addict, what is the difference between these two lives? Simply admitting you have a problem, seeking help and asking for forgiveness. Simple right? In theory. In the moment it is absolutely terrifying and overwhelming. Our pride, ego, selfishness and fear rationalize for us why coming clean is not a good idea. The rationalized cocktail they feed us keeps us from living the life we desire.
Most people choose to turn their life around at “rock bottom.” Rock bottom is where the “pain is greater than the fear.”
The good news is that you can control where rock bottom is. You can choose to turn from your old way of living whenever you are ready. Do not let your faith in man dictate your faith in God. God will meet you right where you are, He can wash you clean no matter how bad your past.
You might even surprise yourself and find a group of people that instead of condemning; lift you up and encourage you. One such place I encourage you to look is Celebrate Recovery, a local purity group or even NoFap.com.
Take your first step today. God does not want us to be alone. Isolation is the enemy’s plan. God wants to meet you right where you are – regardless of your past. You are a child of God and His heart wants to see you free! The choice is up to you, a new life is just a decision away!
Over the past several years I have been reading more about about the benefits of cold water therapy or cryotherapy. It has been used for decades with athletes to reduce swelling and treat sore and inflamed muscle tissue. While definitely not a favorite amongst most athletes, the beneficial results obtained from cold plunges are proven – making the therapy standard practice at all collegiate and pro levels and even some high schools.
This is my favorite shower head for cold showers – The Kohler Moxie.
Click the link below to learn more:
KOHLER K-9245-CP 2.5 GPM Moxie Showerhead and Wireless Speaker, Polished Chrome
Tony Robbins, one of (if not the best) motivational speakers/coaches in the world makes cold plunges and now cryotherapy a regular part of his normal routine. Whole Body Cryotherapy is a hyper-cooling process that lowers a person’s skin temperature to approximately 30˚ F for a period of up to three minutes. This is achieved by enveloping the body with extremely cold air at temperatures ranging from -133˚ F to -320˚ F.
There are several benefits to cryotherapy or cold plunges including pain management, reduced swelling in joints and muscles and quicker recovery times for athletes. All of these are scientifically proven. However, you are probably wondering what this has to do with porn addiction?
Perhaps more than you imagine. Mark Queppet’s post on cold showers and the difference they can make on a porn reboot really got me motivated to implement this in my life. You can read Mark’s post HERE.
Porn addiction is a battle for the mind. You must decide you are not going to watch porn any more and you must stick with it. This is easier said than done for any addict. You might be able to hold out for a few days with no temptations or cravings, but then the urges come at you fast and furious. You go through withdrawals just like a recovering alcoholic or drug addict. Your body craves the dopamine and the pleasure your reward system has become accustomed to. You just have to watch porn! Or that is what your brain tells you.
The battle over porn addiction is won in the mind!
So what can we do to train our mind to be resiliant and to corral our urges when they come at us? We must train it and begin to reshape our mindset. One way to do this is through cold water therapy or cold showers.
There is no disputing it, cold showers are a brutal experience in the initial moments of the first time. Most of this is just mental though. The thought of taking a freezing cold shower makes us shake or cringe at just the thought of it. Then when we turn on the cold water we reluctantly place our foot or hand in the water stream to test the temperature. Guess what, “It’s freezing!!!”
When you first start taking cold showers it takes every bit of will power you can muster to get under the freezing cold water and even then it is for brief moments. It takes everyhing you have to get under the water stream and stay there!
Goose bumps appear everywhere, your whole body tenses up, your breathing escalates and you want to scream like a little school girl (or boy). Everything in you says this is not good for you.
When you are addicted to something – porn, drugs, alcohol – you feel much the same way when you try to leave the addiction behind. Your body has become conditioned that it is good to have porn. Your mind and body crave the visual stimuli and the chemical “high” you get from it. When you go cold turkey, your mind tells you that you are making a mistake and that you should go back and watch some porn. The desire to watch porn for the addict can be just as strong as the desire to get out of the cold water!
When you force your body to endure challenges like cold showers, it trains your mind. You gain confidence that you can overcome these obstacles and your mind begins to accept the new normal. As cold showers become a standard part of your routine they begin to feel less cold each time. Just like when you first get into a cold shower it is freezing,but if you stay in it begins to feel normal after a while.
Cold water showers train your mind that you can do things you did not think possible. It is truly a mind over matter experience. If you can condition your mind to endure cold water you can teach it to resist the urges of porn.
Cold water swims are an integral part of SEAL training – especially hell week. The main reason for this is the mental conditioning that takes places. If you can endure extremely uncomfortable situations you will be that much more prepared mentally for the next challenge – in this case the desire to watch porn.
Conditioning your mind is hard work. We want to stay in our comfort zone and stick with what we know. Our mind tells us change and being uncomfortable is bad so we keep doing what we always have done or what our natural response is. Unfortunately this is not what is always best for us.
At the fire station we do tons of drills with SCBA. Most of it is training to be comfortable with the gear and doing work in zero visibility. However, there is tons of training where you drain your tank to low levels so you don’t freak out when the mask starts to shake and vibrate. They also make you run out of air so you know what it feels like when the last red light blinks, you inhale your last breath and the mask slams tight against your face.
Even in training, not being able to get more air is a very scary event and your first instinct is to rip off your mask and take a deep breathe. The problem is if it were a real life situation and you took your mask off you would be dead. Breathing in super heated smoke full of toxic chemicals can fry your lungs and kill you instantly. The training teaches you to relax, you know what to expect, you have practiced and you are prepared for real-life situations. The goal is that should this happen in real life you will remain calm enough to dive out a window or buddy breathe before instinctively rip your mask off.
The conditioning prepares you for the worst case scenario. Mentally you have been there and you know what to do.
Cold water showers are a great form of mental conditioning. You can train your mind to overcome the signals it is sending to the opposite of which you desire. This conditioning can help your mind overcome the urge to watch porn. If you can train your mind to resist the urge to flee cold water you can train your mind to resist the urge to watch porn.
I encourage you to try cold shower therapy. If you are consistent you will begin to shape a mindset that will allow you to resist urges when they come. If it works for SEALs, why can’t it work for you?
I do cold showers and afterwards I feel great. I find that I think clearer, feel fitter and I always have a boost in confidence when I step out. “Heck yeah, I did it!” And when ever a challenge or urge comes my way I know that if my mind can endure freezing water it can overcome the temptation!!
I encourage you to give it a try!
Here are a few tips:
-Try not to think about it. The thoughts of coldness leading up to the shower are worse than the shower itself.
-Focus on your breathing. At the fire station we focus on skip breathing which is slow deep breathes – skipping every other breathe. During a cold shower I try to focus on steady medium paced breathes through the nose at a consistent pace.
-Stay relaxed. When you tense up the water tends to be twice as cold. This is of course a trick your mind plays on you.
-Watch your hands. If they are in a fist you are to tense.
-Get under the stream immediately. Putting a foot or hand in to test the water just gives you more time to chicken out. Plus you already know it is going to be cold so get under the water and focus on your breathing and staying relaxed.
-Think warm thoughts. This never really helped me as much as just focusing on my breathing, but you are what you think, so if you think you are cold, guess what? You will be! Think hot!
-Set the water to the coldest setting. This is an exercise in teaching your mind that it can resist the urge to cave in. If you do not set the temp to the coldest setting, even if you do endure the shower, you may subconsciously tell yourself you only did it because the water really was not cold. Don’t leave any opportunities for doubt. Set the water to the coldest setting and prove to your mind that you are in control!
-Start today. Again don’t think about it or you will just come up with an excuse – the worst one being, “I will start tomorrow.” Never put off for tomorrow what can be done today. Take the first step to controlling your mindset right now!!!
This is definitely going to be a podcast episode.
Please consult your doctor if you have any doubts. Especially if you have any medical conditions. Also make sure your shower is not slippery. When that cold water first hits you if you have never done this it can and will make you tense up which could make you slip. Trust me no firemen want to come rescue a naked guy that slipped in the shower – only if they absolutely have to. So please do not do this exercise if you have any medical doubts or concerns with out consulting a doctor first.
Episode 2 – Statistics & Action Items
Podcast is being edited.